A Quiet Life
by Rath's Rants
Summary: Thieves and detectives seldom lead quiet lives. Theirs are less quiet than most. (A series of shorts that outline some headcanons of mine.) /Current Arc: Black/
1. Pandora - part one

The world around him glowed red.

Kuroba Kaito held up Pandora to the moonlight and pondered it. He wasn't quite sure how exactly he should be feeling. Happy? Relieved? Thankful? Mostly, he was just tired. Years of his life had been devoted to finding this gem. And that was all it was, really. A gem within another gem, with a silly legend about immortality. He would never even know if it was true.

He would never know if his dad had died for something real.

In the end, he quietly walked through the house and stepped into Kid's room. He then very carefully broke Pandora into five pieces, then he locked the shards in a safe that had sat in a dusty corner of the room for as long as he could remember. It had been labelled "one day" in Toichi's neat script. Tomorrow, he would take the safe out in a boat and drop it somewhere in the depths. And hope to hell that no one ever found it.

Kaito left the room, fell into bed, and dreamed of nothing.

* * *

**AN**: Hi, thanks for picking up this fic. Uh, just wanted to say that these are all based off headcanons, and have been placed along a semi-functional timeline. Some of chapters will have two or more parts. I think the largest contains about five headcanons. So, this is basically what I think Kaito and Shinichi's lives might have looked like if the whole ShinRan angle didn't exist. Also, understand that these will probably vary hugely in length because some aren't anything more than a little idea. Sorry.


	2. Pandora - part two

_To my fans, detectives, and task force,_  
_all so faithful to my cause,_  
_come to the courtyard at Beika Museum,_  
_eleven o'clock, for one final show._

_-Kaitou Kid- _

* * *

Everyone stood in the courtyard, men and women, the young and the old, people who loved Kid and people who hated him. Kaito wondered how on Earth he had gotten through to so many people. The crowd was easily double the normal size, apparently all wondering about the cryptic heist notice.

It was strange this time, Kaito admitted. Nothing to steal, the time and place easily given away, and of course the mention of "one final show".

* * *

He stepped from the shadows onto a roof that stood barely four meters above the ground. He'd chosen his stage for this exact purpose. Softly he intoned, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome," his voice echoing from speakers placed strategically across the courtyard.

Nakamori shouted out, "Get him!" and the entirety of the task force ran towards him. And for a moment, everything was as it should be. His task force chasing him, wary of whatever surprises he might throw at him. Then Kid held up his hands peaceably and they stopped, confused. "Please, I'm only here to talk. Nothing more."

The Inspector looked disgruntled but said nothing. Kid winked at him and addressed the crown.

"Thank you," he began, "all of you. To the fans for your support. To the detectives for being wonderful critics, especially the littlest one, Tantei-kun, who fought so hard to keep up. And of course, to my task force for your loyalty and patience. I've had a lot of fun." Kid grinned at the faces of all the people he'd come to value so much. "But, I'm afraid out time is at an end. I've found what I've been seeking all these years. Thus, I've decided to retire," Kid said. Shocked silence spread across the crowd. Nakamori looked absolutely shattered. "But I'll see you all again, if the world ever has need of my services."

With those abrupt words Kid bowed mockingly, and a hundreds of tiny white notes fluttered down towards the crowd. A copy of each and every heist note ever sent. Chaos broke out as the task force scrambled to get to the rooftop before he left, and the fans yelled support of the Phantom Thief. He started to step out of the light, but a voice reached through the crowd, "What about the Sun of Kelos?" Kid paused, turning to see Hakuba staring up at him. He just looked at the detective for a moment, weighing his options.

"I apologize for that," he said finally. "It has been destroyed."

And Kaitou Kid disappeared in a puff of pink smoke.

* * *

**AN**: In case you're wondering why Nakamori held his peace... I think everyone on the task force has learned by now that if you don't play by Kid's rules, you're going to get covered in glitter or something similarly obnoxious. So.


	3. Pandora - part three

He slept, then woke up. He ate and walked to school, where he would crack jokes and flip skirts. Then he came home, did his homework, ate, and went back to sleep. It was all just an endless boring routine now.

And to think, once upon a time he had wanted this. He's wanted to leave Kid behind him and just be a regular teenager. What a stupid wish! At least as Kid he'd had purpose, to find Pandora and eventually destroy it. To bring the legacy of Kaitou Kid to a close.

Now? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Kaito didn't know what to do with himself anymore. He'd never gone out with Aoko to Karaoke simply because he'd never had time. He'd never studied at the library because it hadn't been necessary. He'd never done anything that normal high school students do. And now, he was discovering that he didn't really want to.

A few times already he had considered coming out of retirement just to get a break from the constant monotony of daily life. But doing that a mere week after he'd announced his final heist? Ridiculous.

Still, he had to do _something_.

* * *

**AN**: I don't like this chapter at all, but it was slightly necessary so bear with it. Anyways, end of the Pandora arc. Next up: identity.


	4. Identity - part one

The first time Kaitou Kid showed up on Kudo Shinichi's doorstep it was a sunny afternoon, just two short weeks after his retirement. Edogawa Conan was sitting in the library, enjoying some time away from the stress of pretending to be eight years old, away from the detective boys, away from Haibara and her infuriating condescension, away from Ran.

He'd just gotten into chapter two of _A Study in Scarlet_ when the doorbell rang. His first reaction was annoyance. Then he realized where he was. His second reaction was dread. The only person who would want to talk to Shinichi was Ran. But why would she be here? And why the hell would she have rung the doorbell? She had a key!

Very cautiously, Conan peered out the window.

Outside stood a man about Shinichi's height. He had an athletic build, with light brown hair tucked up under a ball cap that shadowed his face. His hands were casually shoved in his pockets, and there was a telltale bulge along his back that indicated a gun within easy reach.

Conan stared. What the _hell_ was Kaitou Kid doing at his house?

* * *

Eventually, Kid got tired of waiting and opened the door. The thief found the detective sitting in the living room clasping a mug of coffee, and holding another out to his guest. Kid graciously accepted and promptly drowned it in sugar. He saw Conan wince.

For a moment, they just sat there sipping at their coffee and liquid sugar respectively. Then Conan sighed, "Enough. What do you want, Kid?:

"Can't I just be seeking the pleasure of your company?" Kid asked. A glare was all the response he received. The thief chuckled. "Fine, you got me. I'm bored. Retirement isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. It's just not for me."

Conan raised an eyebrow, "It's barely been two weeks."

"I need constant entertainment to dissuade me from causing mass panic."

"And what am I supposed to do about it?"

"I dunno, surprise me."

* * *

**AN**: A bit of an abrupt ending, but I wouldn't be able to do the scene justice so I skipped it.


	5. Identity - part two

**The speech is in bold when they're speaking a foreign language, if it's not obvious. Also, forgive my French. It's extremely rusty.**

* * *

Kudo Shinichi was insane. He had to be. Why else would he have allowed Haibara to test a risky antidote on him, just to keep a thief happy?

But he had to admit that he was curious.

He understood that Kid was bored, but why come to him of all people? All he'd ever done was try (in vain) to stop his rival from stealing! (And allow himself to be covered in glitter and other similarly hard to wash out substances. But he didn't really want to talk about that.)

So, when Kid had proposed they talk over dinner, he hadn't argued much. And that was why he was currently walking into a surprisingly homey restaurant, looking for some indicator as to where Kid was sitting. He wasn't terribly surprise when a tall brunette woman waved him over. As he sat down, she smiled at him. Shinichi picked up one of the menus and scanned the list of items. "So, who are you this time?"

"**Karmen DeRosa,**" Kid said in perfectly fluent English, "**She's a pre-med student over in America, aiming to be a heart surgeon. Very nearly the top of her class. She's a nice girl. I'm particularly fond of her parrot.**"

"**You don't do things halfway, do you?**" Shinichi asked. "**Still, I suppose the fact that she can't speak Japanese is useful.**"

"**Elle ne peut pas parler japonais, mais elle parle français.**" *

"**You speak French? Wait, of course you do. Never mind.**"

"**Kid has always been an _international_ jewel thief, after all,**" Kid said matter of factly. A waitress swung by the table with a wide smile and asked if they were ready to order. Kid turned to Shinichi, "**I'd like the special, and a chocolate milkshake.**"

Shinichi rolled his eyes but repeated the order for the sake of the confused looking waitress, "Just water is fine for me, thanks. And I think I'll try the spaghetti." She nodded and promised their order would be out soon.

**"The first Kid was definitely international,**" Shinichi agreed, "**but _you_ haven't even been out of the country.**"

Kid chuckled, "**What can I say? People love me. I couldn't just leave them on a whim.**" Wistfully he added, "**But I have always wanted to try doing a heist in Germany. Or maybe England.**"

"**If you went to England you'd have hundred of wannabe detectives trying to catch you,**" Shinichi predicted. "**That country is full of Sherlock Holmes fans. And of course Hakuba would follow you back, just for another chance at humiliating himself.**"

"**Aw, and here I thought you and Hakuba were friends!**"

"**No, I mean he's a good person, and a pretty decent detective,**" Shinichi admitted, "**but he's just so caught up with rules and regulations. And he seems so determined to chase you even though all he ever does is make himself look like an idiot.**"

"**No pity for a fellow Holmes fan?**" Kid asked, grinning.

Shinichi looked at him steadily then said faintly, "**Don't be insulting. People like Hakuba give us Holmes fans a bad name. Being enthusiastic about the books is one thing, but cosplaying him? Really?**"

Kid snickered, "**Hakuba would never admit it, but he's as much of a peacock as I am. He's just an amateur.**"

"**Shocking that you'd admit to sharing a character trait with Hakuba of all people,**" Shinichi said. At that moment their waitress came back with their food. The special turned out to be a double decker BLT with fries. Kid proceeded to drown them in vinegar and ketchup. He felt compelled to ask, "**Why the hell would you put vinegar on fries..?**"

Kid just stared at the detective.

Shinichi fidgeted nervously, "**What?**"

"**You're telling me you've never had malt vinegar and french fries?**" Very solemnly he said, "**You have not lived.**"

The rest of the evening consisted of Kid trying and failing to convince Shinichi to try a french fry. In the end, he catapulted one into the Shinichi's mouth, at which point the detective declared them to be "**not bad**". Kid just smiled smugly and said, "**I told you.**"

* * *

* ["She can't speak Japanese, but she can speak French."]

* * *

**AN**: Making fun of Hakuba is always fun. There's a part later on when I get to do it more often and I'm looking forward to it.


	6. Identity - part three

"Hey Shin-chan," Kid chirped. How he could be so awake at eight in the morning, Conan would never know. It was ridiculously tempting to just slam the door in the thief's face, but he had a feeling that Kid wouldn't take to kindly to that. So he grudgingly opened the door just wide enough for the nuisance to slip inside.

"It's before noon," the detective said plaintively. "I shouldn't even be awake right now. Why are you bothering me?"

Kid held up a still hot cup of coffee from the Poirot. "Peace offering?"

Conan grumbled but accepted the cup, leading the way into the library. Most days they ended up in there, debating whatever subject Kid had decided needed to be discussed. Not that Conan really minded. After having officially 'moved to America to live with his parents,' Conan didn't have much to do. He couldn't walk around, lest he be noticed by Ran or the Detective Boys. And of course Haibara deemed the current antidote unstable and sent him back home.

"So?"

"I was just wondering if you had any new leads on those Ravens of yours," Kid asked, pretending to be quite interested in the Ellery Queen section of the Kudo's bookshelves.

Conan very nearly spat out his coffee, "_You know about them?_"

Kid scoffed, "Of course I know about them. Who do you take me for?"

"...You have a point," the detective said with a sigh, "I'm not sure why I'm so surprised. But why are you asking this _now?_"

"Because I figure that there isn't room in such a small area for more than one giant criminal organization," Kid said. He conjured up a number of colorful objects and started to juggle them absently with his left hand.

"So, those snipers..?"

"Mh, that was mostly Snake," Kid revealed, "He's at the head of all the goons who shoot at me. Huge jerk, and really pretentious actually."

"Why haven't you-"

"'Gone to the police'?" Kid asked, a smile tugging at his lips. "Because I don't think they'd be very inclined to help me. I _am_ a criminal. And my civilian identity wouldn't get me too far either, I'm afraid."

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"Because," Kid said, "I propose an alliance. I have knowledge on your Ravens, a independence to do things the police wouldn't normally consider, and of course my particular set of skills could come in handy. You have contacts within the FBI, and your skills aren't anything to be laughed at either. Plus, we make a pretty good team."

Conan considered for a moment. The thief made some very good points. But he wasn't quite sure he'd be able to sell the idea to Jodie. Then again, Kid wasn't really your typical criminal. And Jodie wasn't really your typical FBI agent.

"I'll have to talk to Jodie, but I'm all for it."

"Great," Kid said. "In that case..." The thief was suddenly enveloped in a cloud of white smoke. Moments later it dispersed, leaving behind a messy-haired teenage sitting on his couch. Indigo eyes sparkled, and a grin spread across the thief's newly revealed face.

He bowed elegantly and held out a blue rose to the detective, "Kuroba Kaito, full time magician and part time thief, at your service."

Conan hesitantly took the flower and said, "Kudo Shinichi, pleased to make your acquaintance."

* * *

**AN**: One last chapter on this who "getting to know you" stuff.


	7. Identity - part four

"By the way," Kuroba said as he was leaving, "the cause of your little problem didn't happen to look anything like this, did it?" A slim grey case appeared in his hands. He opened it to reveal three short rows of tiny white and red pills, each labelled 'APTX4869'.

"...That's it," Conan said, stunned. "But, where did you get this?"

"I lifted it off one of Snake's cronies a while back. I was going to look into it, but I never got the chance." Kuroba shrugged and held the case out to him with a lopsided grin. "It's no use to me, but scientists can generally make antidotes quicker when they know what they're countering."

"I'm going to go give this to Haibara," Conan said, still a bit dazed. When he reached the gate he looked back and said simply, "Thank you, Kuroba." He couldn't even begin to express how grateful he was, so he didn't even try. But he suspect that Kuroba already knew.

The magician just grinned and waved him towards the house.

By the time he knocked on the door, he was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. He might finally be holding the answer to at least one of his problems. It felt great to finally _maybe_ have a way out.

Haibara answered the door with a scowl and when she did, he couldn't quite get out the words to explain what had just happened. So he simply opened the case and showed her the contents. Her eyes widened.

"Is that what I think it is..?" He simply nodded.

* * *

**AN**: So, that's the last of the Identity arc. Next up, the Drugs arc. But I suspect most of you would have already guessed that, considering what just happened. Anyways, all the exciting stuff starts happening after this next arc. I'm looking forward to it, and I hope you are too!


	8. Drugs - part one

The pain was unbelievable.

It rolled over him like waves, giving temporary respite then coming back twice as strong. He faded in and out of consciousness, occasionally aware of people hovering over him muttering nonsensical words. It was almost funny, listening to them babble gibberish.

Then came the heat.

And oh, it _hurt_. He felt like he was being boiled alive on a molecular level. And it didn't ever stop. Just endless heat. Until it blocked out all thought.

* * *

When he finally woke up, he almost didn't even notice it. Everything hurt, and it was stiflingly warm. Then he heard a voice.

"Oh, good, you're awake. I thought you'd died."

"Not getting rid of me that easy..." he mumbled. Shinichi opened his eyes a bit and saw worried eyes in an impassive face. "...'M fine. I think."

"Not by a long shot," Haibara snapped. "I told you not to take the damn pill yet. You skipped all the preparations that _might_ have made this safe."

"'M okay though..."

"You almost _died_," the scientist said acidly.

"But I didn't," he pointed out with a weak smile. Haibara rolled her eyes and set about testing for internal damage.

* * *

**AN**: Silly Haibara, of course he's not dead. He can't die yet, not when I have so much planned for him!


	9. Drugs - part two

"So I hear you're under house arrest?"

"Well, I basically screwed over my immune system. And of course there's the fact that I grew ten wears in the space of a week. So, at the moment I'm likely to poke a bone through my skin. She wants to keep an eye on me."

"...You really have no concept of self-preservation."

"Says the person who steals priceless gemstones while wearing a blindingly white suit. As he's being shot at by snipers."

"I can't deny that, but I did take precautions."

"Do you really think glitter would have stopped them if they were really determined to kill you?"

"They are really determined to kill me. So, I'd say yes."

"You're impossible."

"Actually, I'm improbable. There's a difference."

"..."

"By the way, I've got something for you."

"What is it?"

"A heist notice. I figured you'd be banging your head against a wall right about now."

"You're coming out of retirement after all?"

"Nope. But I thought maybe you'd like something to do besides read and work case files while you're stuck at home."

"...Thanks."

"Anytime."

* * *

**AN**: This is a phone call between Shinichi and Kaito, which is why there is zero description. Sorry about that. But I tried the scene other ways and this worked best.


	10. Drugs - part three

"...I'm okay?"

"'Okay' is a relative term, Kudo-kun," Haibara said dryly. "You're no longer in any danger of seriously harming yourself, at any rate."

"Can I actually leave the house now?"

"...Yes, I suppose so."

* * *

Knocking on Ran's door was surreal. He'd always dreamed of finally being able to come back, but part of him had been sure it would never happen. And yet, here he was.

It seemed like an eternity before she opened the door, but also not nearly long enough. "...Shinichi?"

He smiled, "The one and only. I'm back, Ran."

She stared at him with hopeful eyes, "For good this time?"

"Well, I've still got some things to take care of, so I can't go back to school quite yet, but yeah. I'm back for good."

And the way she smiled at him was worth every minute he had spent trying to get back to her. Every second he had spent fighting. All she said was, "I'm glad you're back."

Kudo Shinichi, was home.

* * *

**AN**: Yes, I know. And yes, it's going to be KaiShin at the end. But for now, Shinichi is still operating under the delusion that he's going to end up with Ran. Hah. Not if I have anything to say about it.


	11. Black - part one

**IMPORTANT**: Hey! So this is after the whole alliance thing has started. The normal people you'd expect are involved. FBI, Kid, Shinichi, Hattori, Hakuba, Haibara, Eisuke, Satou and Takagi, and, uh, crap. I'm forgetting someone. Or maybe not, I dunno. But, yeah. This is in the very beginning. And I won't actually go into the planning stuff at all because that's all boring and unnecessary and I'm just going to assume they're smart enough to figure it out on their own. But, yeah. Okay. Cool. So, read on.

* * *

Shinichi had to say, living with other people in his own home was downright strange. He still jumped whenever he heard the shower going, or whenever someone rattled the cupboards in the kitchen. But it was necessary, he supposed.

Hattori couldn't commute back and forth from Osaka everyday. And Kid was staying on for the planning sessions, so Hakuba had stayed in an attempt to catch the thief off guard. Not that that would ever happen.

And all that on top of actually planning to take down a huge and crazy powerful criminal syndicate. Not his idea of a walk in the park.

Then, of course, there was Kuroba.

He really didn't know how he was supposed to interact with the magician anymore. Conan and Kid had set boundaries, topics they didn't discuss, things they didn't do. Shinichi and Kuroba Kaito had no such arrangement.

One minute they'd be debating things like normal, and the next Kuroba had turned his hair blue in retaliation for winning a point. Kid was never so childish and impulsive.

Kid was also _never_ anything but infuriatingly calm, all emotions locked behind his poker face. Kuroba was often maniacally happy for no reason, and then pouting just a dramatically. And he could switch expressions at the drop of a hat.

Then there was the invasion of personal space. He'd woken up one day to find the Kuroba was taking up all the room on _his_ bed. When he'd finally been able to force the thief awake, Kuroba's only excuse was, "Sorry, I thought you looked cold," then he smiled sleepily and walked out of the room, leaving Shinichi to stare after him and wonder why on earth he put up with the idiot.

Oh. Trying to take down a huge and crazy powerful criminal syndicate. Right.

* * *

**AN**: This is pretty much the beginning of the fun stuff. And of course this is pretty much the biggest arc, except maybe the last one. I don't know how big that one is going to be yet... Hm.


	12. Black - part two

Shinichi awoke to the sound of screams. One terrified, and one furious.

He stumbled out of bed, paused long enough to pull on a shirt, then ran as best as he could towards the source of the noise. When he was finally close enough to understand what was being shouted, he stopped.

"I don' swing that way ya perv, an certainly not fer you!"

"What the hell..?" he muttered. Shinichi turned the corner and immediately wished he hadn't gotten out of bed.

Hakuba was inside the doorway of Hattori's room, looking distinctly embarrassed and very annoyed. Hattori was brandishing one of his kendo swords, yelling at the blond. Kuroba was off to that side, laughing silently.

"What happened?" he asked the magician.

"Hakuba has some bad habits," Kuroba said, still grinning, "He sleepwalks. And he just walked right into Hattori's room. And of course, being Hattori, he wasn't very eager to have company."

"...Right," Shinichi said, "I'm sorry I asked."

The detective went back to his room and fell asleep.

* * *

When he woke up at the more reasonable hour of 10 o'clock, the house was quiet. Too quiet. Cautiously, he got dressed and went downstairs. Only to find Hakuba and Hattori quietly eating breakfast under Kuroba's watchful stare.

"What did you do to them?" Shinichi asked.

"I figured you wouldn't really want chaos first thing on a Saturday morning," Kuroba said conversationally. "So I told them to shut up and behave or I'd turn their hair permanently hot pink."

"...You should use that threat more often."

* * *

**AN**: This chapter is pretty much my favorite so far. I just think Hakuba would sleep walk, and definitely be a cuddler. You can imagine that Hattori wasn't exactly pleased to find that out. Quite unfortunate. I actually really like them as a crack pairing.


	13. Black - part three

10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Start!

Kaito schooled his face into one of innocent surprise.

One after another, each of the dominoes fell in sequence with its fellows. Each line heading steadily towards the trigger of his carefully installed glitter cannons. And the last one teetered and fell. Five bangs sounded in quick succession. There were several shrieks as they all got covered with glitter.

"Kuroba!"

"I didn't do it!"

The bickering between Kaito and Hakuba went on for several minutes before Kudo stood up very quietly and tapped Kaito on the shoulder. He turned around with a smile, "Yes, Tantei-kun?"

Kudo hooked his right leg around the magician's feet and laid him flat on the floor. With a polite smile likely inherited from a furious Mouri Ran, he said icily, "We are planning a war, not a heist. This is serious. No more pranks or I will have you off this team so fast that not even you will be able to sweet-talk your way back. Do I make myself clear?"

Kaito gulped, "Crystal."

* * *

**IMPORTANT**: I said at the beginning of this arc that I wasn't going to actually cover the downfall of the organization. And this is still true. I just wanted you to know that between now and next chapter it all comes to an end. It's over. And there probably won't be much of a discussion on how they did it. Ever. There might be some references back, but I'll sure to explain those. Okay? Okay.

* * *

**AN**: Mh. Well, even they've got their rough spots. But I think Kaito's got the idea. Anyways, only two more chapters left in this arc.


	14. Black - part four

"So you've been lying to me this entire time."

Her voice was calm, but Shinichi knew that trying to explain further would only make her more angry so he said, "Yes. I'm sorry."

Ran closed her eyes and leaned back into her seat. "Go away," she said quietly. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I..." Shinichi stopped a second and looked at her. Ran's fists were clenched at her sides, her face impassive. He sighed. "I'm sorry."

He got up and left.

* * *

"I told her."

"You told her?"

"Yeah, I told her."

"Well. That can't have gone over well." A pause. "Are you still in one piece?"

"I'm fine, but she's just. Furious. Um. I don't think I really want to be around when she decides what to do with me. Would you mind if I stayed over for a few days..? I mean, if not I can ask Hattori."

"Nah, mom's been bugging me about you anyways. She wants to meet the detective who finally got the secret out of me. I think she's worried you might turn me in. Just drop by whenever."

"Okay. Thanks, Kuroba."

"Anytime."

"Also, tell her she has nothing to worry about."

"What?" The dial tone played. "Damn it."

* * *

**AN**: One last chapter of what I consider to be the boring stuff! The big baddies are gone, Shinichi's back to normal, Ran has been informed. I think that's pretty much all the major conflict of the series over. Except the romantic stuff but I'm getting to that. Eventually.


End file.
